I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
