and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
