I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
