THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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