I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
