how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
