She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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