Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
