So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
