Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
