Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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