Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
