Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
