woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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