I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
