hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
