I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
