can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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