Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I need moral support for this bender
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
