it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this will be a night to untag.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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