i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
