I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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