sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
