if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
