i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
