I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
