Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize