There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
