No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
