it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
