I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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