i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
NoShamevember. You game?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
