I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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