I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A+ Viking dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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