My friends, they love my intelligence
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
