You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
