Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
