That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
