I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
