We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
