I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
