Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he shaved USA in his pubs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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