Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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