i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
