Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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