then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
