Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
