A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize