wanna go halves on a baby?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
