Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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