I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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