whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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