I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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