i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
