I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
