Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
