We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
