If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
