If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
