i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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