I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
