I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
