you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
