I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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