the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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