Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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